‘Daag achhe hain’ (on conflicts and avoidance)

As someone who grew up surrounded by constant conflict, I've always shied away from it. Something bad would be done to me, more than once, by the same person and yet I would be quiet. But that didn't mean I wasn't registering what was wrong, neither did it mean I was being saintly or forgiving. I was just too scared, too uncomfortable with confrontation.

That habit has more often than not led to hurt, exploitation, being taken for granted and just lots of unhappiness and loss of peace.

However, the few times that I've reached boiling point and things have spilled over, I have always come out feeling lighter in the long run. While the conflict is on, it killed me and made me just so uncomfortable. But every single time, even if the issue didn't get 'solved', even if I didn't get the acknowledgment I was looking for, the problem has ended, I've stopped suffering and felt peaceful in the long run.

Society frowns on conflict. Every attempt is made to set things right momentarily while never addressing the root cause of the issue. Sociologist Emile Durkheim said that 'Crime is an integral part of all healthy Societies'. Whenever a family or Society pretends to be too happy, too perfect, there is something seriously wrong therein. Too many people are quiet like I tend to be, it is just a matter of time before the situation explodes.

And hence I keep telling myself - Yes, you hate confrontation but try and normalise it. Try and reduce the magnitude by communicating clearly right at the beginning, try and remain more rational and less emotional. By doing this, your discomfort will be lesser and you will be in unhealthy situations for a far lesser amount of time. Yes, you have been scarred, you have grieved - but learn from the scars.

Daag sachmuch achhe hain!